pyongyang's finest in suitcase technology
by Coins Compressed
Summary: It's another bright morning within the Academy, and Arthur breaks into the North Korean student's room with special investigatory guest, Sadik. Clearly nothing can go wrong. / Oneshot, Gakuen!AU. Crack.


**AN: **Sort of set in the same Gakuen universe as my other fic, 'The Product Of Thirst...'. Arthur is a budding detective, his peers are conspicuous, everyone has a jolly good time. Sadik Adnan = Turkey, Yong-Soo Im = South Korea, Tae-Se Kim = North Korea. Human!AU.

**Notes: **Written for owl-hipster on ffnet and an RP associate elsewhere. NK OC belongs to the Walrus of Sunderland.

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**pyongyang's finest in suitcase technology**

* * *

"I don't just murder everyone I meet."

And while Arthur nods solemnly in response to this statement, he thinks that, as far as first impressions go, this one isn't shaping up as particularly too positive.

Sadik Adnan is... He's just one of _those _people, silent and brooding and possibly psychotic, because really, what sort of questionable bastard shows up to Maths in a mask nicked from the Drama's _Phantom of the Opera _props? Arthur Kirkland, boasting his squeaky-clean student councillor record in the way that he does, has never been particularly too interested in crossing paths with someone like the Turkish student – though currently, he's standing in front of Sadik within the dormitory of yet _another_ student, having quite happily broken in only moments prior.

It's not Arthur's fault their schedules clashed. Arthur felt the need to root through Tae-Se's stuff for anything potentially dangerous, and Sadik felt the need to have a casual snoop; they just so happened to have shown up at the same time, unrelated and unimpressed.

Perhaps clarification would be helpful, and Arthur's archive record will later have to address it anyway. Tae-Se Kim is of interest, and not just because he's from North Korea. Arthur's beginning to consider the possibility _all _his classmates are of questionable nature, partly due to Tae-Se's previous experimentations with uranium substitutes, all during one particularly outstanding chemistry lesson.

Naturally, Arthur's method of satisfying curiosity raised by such an incident was to force the lock on Tae-Se's dorm door and stroll right in.

If great minds think alike, then, he and Sadik must truly be geniuses. Granted, that doesn't currently seem to be the case.

"You know," Arthur says, deciding it might be best to keep Sadik talking, "I'd believe that statement a great deal more if you didn't currently have a sword in your left hand."

"Oh. _That_." Dark eyes narrowing, Sadik lifts his left hand to look at it – and raises the sword in the process, prompting Arthur into taking a pre-emptive step back. "Don't look so terrified, Mister Kirkland; I merely like taking it out for a walk now and again."

"A walk," Arthur says flatly. "A _walk. _I'm sure that's an argument that'll hold up in court, once you've poked my eye out and whimsically decapitated Mr. Kim upon his return."

Sadik shakes his head, thankfully lowering the weapon. "I'm not going to hurt anyone with it. That would make the blade messy, and then how am I going to clean it?"

"Bleach?" Arthur suggests, and he's just about to kick himself internally for offering a maniac _scrubbing advice _for his murder weapon when Sadik cuts in to snort, apparently very amused by Arthur's concern.

"You think I came here to kill Mr. Kim?" he says, boomingly theatrical. "You think I would bring dishonour to my family and knack for psychological warfare by outright slaughtering someone? The Korean-"

"_North _Korean."

"The North Korean, then." Sadik brushes back his free arm, dislodging the cape he wears somewhat unevenly over his uniform; there's thankfully a sheath on his hip and that's where he slips the sword, displaying loving care in depositing the thing.

Unable to think of what else to exhibit, Arthur frowns. "Do go on."

"The North Korean is of no concern to me." Sadik looks up once more, adjusting that frankly tacky eyemask. "I just wanted to explore, and I found the door was already open, so why not?"

The frown becomes a grimace, and Arthur says, "It was open because I broke the bloody _lock_-"

"That was careless," Sadik says smoothly. "Why didn't you just use the key?"

"I don't have the key! It's not my dormitory – I'm here to look for _clues_."

"Oh," is all Sadik says, and he's quiet for a moment after, Arthur all the while seething with curbed exasperation for a good long pause. The wait turns out to not have been worth it when Sadik just adds, "Why not look for the key?"

"If you ask me," Arthur replies, swiftly making his way towards the wardrobe adjacent, "this conversation has run its course. You can help me, of course, and then I can blame your careless fingerprints, or you can leave and not mention this to those you encounter while walking your, erm, sword. We needn't get each other in trouble over this. Hm?"

"I would prefer to stay and watch without exerting myself."

The grimace returns, though he hides it by leaning into the wardrobe in question. It's stocked with clothes, for the most part – but there's a suitcase lain on its back at the bottom that instantly catches Arthur's eye. Why would Tae-Se need a suitcase if he's rooming at the Academy? _Curiouser and Curiouser._

When Arthur pulls back, he realises Sadik's eyes are still on him, watching expectantly. It triggers the Englishman into huffing, lowering into a crouch for the sake of easing out that highly suspicious suitcase.

"That's also acceptable. If I'm right, we have about a comfortable half-hour before Tae-Se gets back. It'll be nice to have your fairly unsettling company."

"I try," is all Sadik says.

For a North Korean national, Tae-Se's things are surprisingly flashy. The suitcase is of material that nearly glistens in the light, smooth to the touch even through gloves – Arthur takes a moment to admire it before checking it over for any potential padlocks, biting back a triumphant cackle upon seeing none. The zip doesn't put up a fight when Arthur tugs it and he smoothly opens up the woefully unguarded thing, even with Sadik looming over his shoulder.

"Let's see your secrets," Arthur declares; he begins pushing back the lid, and Sadik begins laughing quietly himself, and everything seems to _finally _be going Arthur's way when they're quite interrupted by the sound of shrieking.

Perhaps that's an exaggeration, but it's not exactly a pleasant sound, someone heatedly shouting the odds in the echoing corridor. The noise of unknown language, heart-sinkingly similar to _Korean, _resonates through from the passage beyond Tae-Se's busted door; Arthur swiftly gets to his feet, giving the rather blasé Sadik a wide-eyed stare of dismay.

"_That's just silly, da-ze,_" comes the voice, and at least it's English enough for Arthur to identify its speaker. Yong-Soo, the South Korean that's taken to baiting Tae-Se near-permanently... speech harmonised with the sound of _two _pairs of footsteps.

"So much for half an hour," Sadik murmurs. It might just be distortion from the mask, but Sadik still appears to be smiling; it's enough alone to make Arthur begin losing his head.

"We're going to get caught!" he hisses. "We're going to get caught and it'll be _your fault-_"

"I just walked in," Sadik cuts in with a shrug. "You're the one who entered through wrongdoing."

The resultant scowl on Arthur's face says it all, but he still moves to distance himself, slowly raising his hands near-defensively while he examines their surroundings. He doubts he could squeeze through the window, and Tae-Se's sort of bed isn't one that can be hidden under; that leaves one obvious place, of course, leaving him to mentally brace himself for the inevitable tight fit.

"We could hide in the wardrobe," Arthur says, pointing towards it with his thumb.

"We could hide in the suitcase," Sadik says, prodding it with his toe.

Arthur can't believe what he's hearing, so of course, he stupidly feels the need to question it – he regrets uttering his choked _What _when he hears the nonsense Sadik responds with.

"You could get in the suitcase, and I could walk out with the suitcase, and I could claim I was walking my suitcase and went to the wrong room with my suitcase, which is a suitcase I had before."

"But ... He'd recognise that it's _his_ suitcase!"

"He might not."

At that, Arthur pinches the bridge of his nose. The approaching Korean voices, only attributable to Tae-Se and Yong-Soo, are engaged in what seems to be an argument. Arthur doesn't fancy his chances acting as mediator.

"...All right," he says, making the most last-second decision of his life. One he'll later lament, no doubt. "All right, all right – but how am I supposed to fit into the fucking thing? It's not very big."

It's now _definitely_ a smile Sadik wears, expanding until it's far too large and far too cheery. Arthur forgets to breathe, just a beat - Sadik seizes the opportunity to purr his response.

"That's what I have my sword for."


End file.
